Video shoot, Videographer needed

This is one of the emails in my "silly" folder. The email itself is pretty useless, I'll include it for anyone with a morbid curiousity. Basically, it gives no real information for the videographer, and it was their immediate response to my resume. No mention of... anything, really. I spoke with the representative, it was apparently a mass email mainly intended for the models, who apparently they feel have a brain the size of a peanut.

This is what came up when I Google'd "sexy triceratops." Well, this and furry porn.

Apparently they expect models to show up late, talk a lot, be out of makeup and undressed for the occasion. Why this makes me think of a scene from Dirty Harry is beyond me.

Go ahead, don't be dressed on time, it'll be what you wear to your funeral.

This is a video shoot, the models, the location, the makeup artists, the lights, everything has been secured and paid for under the express purpose of shooting a video. So, a videographer is kind of key. 

 Oh... Right... We need bullets for this kinda deal...

Anyway, the email implied that I was expected ("CONFIRMATIONS or CANCELLATIONS IS A MUST"), and I wanted to be sure we were on the same page. The representative said that the gig was unpaid, and tried to convince me why it was a good idea for me to shoot, anyway (if I hear "for your portfolio" one more goddamn time...). I told her it would cost me money just to travel there, so I couldn't do that. She asked how much it cost me to drive to DC, and I said $30 or so in gas.

The representative calls back the next day. At 11:30PM.

She is very polite, and tells me they've secured $30 for me. I told her thank you, but I couldn't work for free. She asked my normal day rate, and I said $120 for 2 hours. That's what I get for the stuff I do most often. I thank her, and she's on her merry way.

Keep in mind, these people were expecting to HIRE someone, not bring in someone for free. The space rental, the models, the assistants, everyone else is being paid for that SOMEONE can shoot this masterpeace. This shouldn't be a surprise.

"Happy 16th, sweetheart! We got you gas, and this sweet keychain, and... wait, you need a what now?"

She calls again the next day. She says they've secured $30 for travel and $50 for the shoot. I remind her of my usual rate and thank her for her time. She tells me she's going to try to arrange for that price or similar. The shoot is now something like five days away.

Four days pass, and I haven't heard word. So, as not to put this company in a rather lousy position, I call to be sure everyone is on the same page. A new representative answers.

"Good news!" he tells me! I'm excited. "We've secured $30 and $20 for the work!" I'm no longer excited. Somehow, the rate has gone down. I politely tell him that the price seems to have gone down, and I cannot work for that amount. He seems rather confused, reminding me that they no longer have someone to shoot their video shoot, for which they've dropped a significant amount of money in every aspect EXCEPT THE VIDEOGRAPHER. . "So, you're declining?" he asks politely, however baffled. "Well... yeah..." He thanks me, and despite my friendly follow-up email and offer to shoot last-minute if needed, I never hear back.

I see this company's ads very often. They're always looking for "hot models" and shooters, so, if you're a pretty girl and like money, or a videographer and dislike it, email me and I'll be sure to forward their info.