Aggressive Negotiations

I wrote out the title before I remembered that it's from a movie I pretend doesn't exist on a daily basis. Please forgive me.

I haven't posted in a while, which occasionally means that there's a shortage of crazy emails. Fantastic! In this instance, though, it's just a shortage of free time to commit to chronicling them all. For today's story, I'll have to start sometime a time long, long ago, namely the month of June.

I've had several correspondences with a guy who needed a videographer... and by several, I mean we've sent at least 30 emails back and forth. He asks a lot of very odd, novice questions, but there's no reason for me to be less than polite. At some point, he tells me he'll "get back to me."

Arby's said the same thing when I applied in 2003. Still waitin' on that call, guys.

Almost immediately after, on the same day the first conversation stopped, I responded to another listing for another crew position. The same guy responded, saying "you do this, too?!" Another conversation ensued, followed by another "I'll get back to you." These two conversations spanned, literally, several months.

A few weeks ago he posted another listing, and I responded, having no clue it was his posting. He told me about this new, third, project, and asked me how much I'd ask for the job, and I gave him a quote.

I was met with outrage. "That's not what you told me in June!" Well... yes, it's a different job, with different requirements and time commitment, and a third of a year has passed. I told him we could discuss and negotiate if he'd like, but I couldn't flex too much because, simply put, I could get that amount from a different job that I'd be doing if I weren't helping him. I haven't heard back sense. Fine by me.

Today is about a week later, and I get a response last night at 1:30am to a listing I responded to yesterday.

"I'm just curious as to why you would take this pay all of a sudden when my castmate (afformentioned person) offered you the same pay."

Allow me to point out that this is the FIRST thing they say... no hello, no introduction. This is what I get, as if I'm supposed to know who they are from their listing alone (which has no name or other information, and is incredibly incoherent).

What surprises me is that, if they feel I've offended or wronged them in some way, they'd continue to tell me about the project and try their best to convince me to take the position. It's like offering a used car dealer more than their asking price, and having them inhaling through their teeth and tell you, "I dunno, my manager's not gonna like that, but I'll ask..."

"But did I mention the seats are heated, if you sit on them long enough?"

Now, allow me to explain what "the same pay" means. The rest of their email goes on to explain the duration of the work. The original ad specified an amount that would be reasonable, if not a little low, for a full day's work, and made the amount sound as if it were potentially per day, or maybe "per episode." They specify in the email that this is the amount for FOUR MONTHS of work, October through February.

They even go on to explain why almost four months of work isn't so bad.

"We're only doing 15 episodes so we don't need you 24/7 for 3 odd months and some of these episodes are to be continueds so it's like one long one."

Oh, shit, it's only one movie? Sure, I'm free tonight at 10.

Then, they end the email with this little nugget of gold.

"Take it or leave it."

That's a tough choice and all, but I think I'd be better off waiting for Arby's. They'd pay more.

For The Glory of God

I've had fewer posts lately... which, frankly, is good, because it means fewer weirdos have emailed me. I have a few I'll post, but for today, I wanted to share something related.

After a fairly decent amount of work in July, I got a little excited that maybe summer would produce a lot of freelance work. August didn't fare so well... at all. I'm reminded slightly what American poverty tastes like.

It tastes a lot like eating the melted cheese off the box, because it's technically a "microwave-safe dish"

I am selling my previous camera because I'm working with a new one. The current price is very reasonable, well below what I've seen them go for recently, and it's on Ebay, so they'll rape me for about 10-15% of that. I got this message today on Ebay.

Honestly. I can't even make jokes about it. It's that straight forward. The irony is, the other interested party shoots porn, and had no problem offering a reasonable amount.

Trends of the Perpetually Useless

I'd like to put together a little list of do's and don'ts for people looking for video work. I've had this sitting on my desktop for a while, figured screw it, I'd share it. It's funny on it's own.

If you're hiring videographers, designers, or basically anyone for that matter, it's best to be a little less last minute than this.

Last-Ass Minute

I did a shoot this morning, fun work, out in the sun, good pay, very friendly client. Also shot along side another shooter friend that I brought along, so all in all, it was a good day. The client was a previous Redskins and Dolphins player, and surprisingly, my complete lack of knowledge of any kind of sports, including what the ball for each individual sport is shaped and sized like, didn't hurt the video.

Did you happen to play with Ray Finkle? He's... the only NFL player I've heard of.

I got a call while I was on the shoot and took it because I thought it might be the gig coordinator checking in. It was a "potential client" (I even end up doing air quotations when I say it out loud, because most of these people will NEVER be actual clients), and they needed someone for a feature film shoot. I told her I was a bit busy on a shoot, that didn't stop her!

"Yeah yeah, right, I get it, you're dedicated, moving on..."

She asked me a dozen questions about my background (all of which are answered in my resume) before telling me ANYTHING about the gig. She then said it started Monday, and paid $150 a day. For reference, today's shoot was somewhere around $300 for a half-day shoot, and a half-day shoot in the commercial world is a quarter-day shoot in the film world (average day on a film set being 12+ hours). I told her I wasn't so sure if I could do that for her, and asked how long the schedule was.

"It's a one month shoot, and a one month commitment."

I told her no, politely, but flat out. Who in the hell thinks they're going to get someone's entire July, a month full of hotdogs and things that you buy off the side of the road from a trailer and then set on fire, and also a freelance videographer's most productive time of the year, on three days notice for $150/day? No, thanks.

She told me they needed an editor, too, and I suggested I might still be available for that. She told me, "oh, we need someone who's going to be available all July to edit while we shoot, so it's done when we're done shooting... We have deadlines."

"I'm like the Rip Van Winkle of speedballs! Anyway, we're pretty pressed for time."

It's 9:45, and I just got another call. The "potential client" was very nice, but he wanted a HD shooter for... tomorrow morning. I told him I had rented my HD camera out for the weekend, and had an SD version available. That simply wouldn't do for him. I guess last-minute beggers CAN be choosers!

All I Ever Wanted

I went on vacation last week. Pleasant time was had by all. I still sent out resumes when there wasn't much else to do, and it paid off. I got a good, solid shoot out of it, and I'm glad I continued to apply for stuff when I was technically supposed to be laying back and doing all of jack and shit.

A pack of wild vacationers, hunting in packs. Clever girls.

There was one potential client who I responded to a listing for, and he called me almost immediately. This was Friday, my sweet, beautiful vacation ended Sunday. It seemed like a good sign. He needed someone to shoot for a girl's volleyball game, three days of shooting total and editing. He followed this by, "how much would you charge, because I'm just not going to pay, like, $300 or something crazy for it." At this point, I knew pretty well I wasn't interested. $300 for three days of shooting, and then editing all that material and producing the number of DVDs he wanted, would be considerably less than minimum wage when dividing the hours of work into the compensation offered, and three days of travel alone would almost reduce that very low offer to half... And that's what he thought was TOO MUCH.

So I told him, plainly, I'd have to ask considerably more than that, more than twice that. Even that, for three days or work and editing, is low for a freelance videographer, but I figured that would send him hanging up quicker than Takeru Kobayashi could eat five hotdogs.

Allow me to assure you, that's fast.

That's when he said something incredibly explanatory of his intentions: "well, alright, we need someone, so whatever." His low offer was just in hopes of getting someone for insanely, mind-numbingly, nipple-chafingly cheap. Well, whatever. So I said sure. He told me, "alright, well, you'll need to be there at 10am tomorrow..."

 "Wait, wait, hold up..." - Dolf

He needed someone for THE NEXT DAY? The next three days? For that cheap? No wonder he called me so promptly.

I told him I wouldn't be available. He quickly hung up. An hour or so later, he asked me via email if I knew anyone else who was available last minute.

This prompted me to write something new. I'll take some time on it, but look for the Guide For Clients, a do and don't list of ways to approach getting freelance artists involved in your projects. This is one of the main points: Do expect things to take time, and allot it. Don't hire the day before, or the day of. You'd be astounded by how many listings I see looking for people the SAME DAY, and sometimes for several day, or week, commitments. This is a prime example.

Others include "Do have cake; Don't eat the cake you've offered me."

Speaking of cake, it's Bruce Campbell's birthday. Hail to the king.

Evil Scientists and Bloated Bellies

I shot a video a few weeks to a month ago for a plastic surgery office. Everyone in the office, from the doctors to the staff, short a few employees, had plastic surgery. It reminded me an awful lot of that scene from Escape From LA.

 LA's "surgeon general," GET IT?!

Anyway, I recently got a call from the office saying one of the doctors wanted his interview reshot because he disliked, in hindsight, that he was in a white coat in front of a white wall. This meant driving to DC for a 2-minute reshoot of an interview and driving home with those terrifying images renewed in my brain. I disliked this idea. They also were offering a compensation that basically meant I'd have made my gas money back and little else. I'd almost be doing it for free. Mind you, this isn't MY client, but a client of the company which I shoot for occasionally.

I offered to colorize the background, but they disliked that idea.

Really? Are you sure?

On the flip side, I had an excellent client yesterday who treated me entirely opposite of most of the people I've shot for through this company, by which I mean he treated me like a competent, intelligent individual rather than a meandering, drooling gruntworker. He even offered to take me to lunch for my efforts, which I can honestly say was one of the nicest things any client has ever done. In casual conversation, he mentioned the price he paid the company for the video. 

I won't name specifics, but I will say that the office does the initial contact and final revisions on the video, while I do the travel, shooting, in-person communication, editing, and submission. This takes, on average, about 10 hours per video. By my math, I make about 7% of what the company sees from each video. If I weren't so full of delicious lunch, still, I'd be agast and relentlessly angry.

The plus side to stomach distension is being full for days. Anger uses too many precious calories, so now I can't afford food OR fury.

Stuff

I just got a check for $315 for the "deferred payment" job. It took a few extra phone calls, which generally ended with "yeah, I'm signin' em as we speak!"

 And I'm totally not fully of shit. I've signed this check six times over two weeks, I promise.

Things are lookin' up!

Also, any other videographers ever have a client who gets fresh and friendly with the camera, presuming to ask where various manual controls are and adjusting the tripod to set up a shot rather than asking you, the educated professional, to set it up for them? I met this kind of client for the first time recently, and I must say, I was pretty surprised. He said he was an "amateur photographer," so I guess that's where the behavior came from, assuming the equipment was the same. Presuming that it's acceptable to do so, however, is pretty ridiculous. If someone were to do this with a different profession, I think they'd quickly run into trouble, and by "trouble," I mean a man of considerable size who would like to hand their ass to them for being a doofus.

So, I'm going to pay for my pizza, and after that, I'm gonna go back and make it myself, cool? Also, I'm going to deliver it to me, so I need to remember to tip myself.

Also, I got this email today. I felt like it was a pretty good standard for what Craigslist emails are like.

The potential client (I use that phrase vaguely, because it can range from "someone who's likely to be a client" to "a drooling marsupial who wants pretty picatures for a Ruby Tuesdays gift card") posted a listing looking for a "Music Video Editor." I sent them my cover letter and resume.

They responded. No hello, no greeting or closing, just a list of the three music videos they wanted done, song titles and general ideas for the video. Not particular articulate.

I asked if they had a budget for the project (not for ME, or other crew members, for the project costs), any other crew, etc, or if he still needed a shooter and director.

He responded.

All I need is someone to record it,edit it and get it up on youtube.What do you think I need?

Remember, he was looking for an EDITOR originally, someone to edit the final project from the ALREADY SHOT material. Then, he made it obvious that he was still in pre-production, at which point I asked some pretty straightforward questions. That was his response.

This is the equivalent of going into a auto paint shop, telling them you need your car painted, and then letting them know that you have extra needs beyond the description of their services on their fucking sign out front.

I need a new engine, my brakes checked, and the gunshot hole in the windshield drilled so it'll stop cracking... Then you can repaint it. Deal?